The Kids Across the Street

“Kids!” my Mom yelled from the front door, as she was putting on her winter coat, “Dad and I are going out for a couple of hours. Pete, don’t forget to make lunch for your brothers and sister. I left some stuff on the counter.” As the door slammed shut, Pete acknowledged my Mom’s request and walked up the stairs to watch as our maroon station wagon back-out of the driveway.

Meanwhile, I was in my room decked out in spandex and practicing a skill my five year-old self was sure would be useful later in life — handstands. All of my spare time went into perfecting my technique and the criteria was clear: graceful launch, quick to steady, straight like an arrow, hold for as long as possible (without passing out), and then land softly with both feet touching the ground at the same time.

There I stood upside down, completely in the zone, when all of a sudden I saw from my bedroom window, my brother Pete fall from the sky. Fumbling my landing, I stood upright and scrambled over to my window. I placed my hands on the ledge as I peered out at our front yard, which was covered in snow. Pete energetically emerged from the crater he had made with a huge smile on his face. “What the heck?” I thought. Where did he come from? Perplexed, I proceeded to watch Pete run out of view, when all of a sudden, my second eldest brother, Ben, did the same thing! “Alright, something fun is happening and I want in on it!” I said aloud.

I threw my bedroom door open, ran down the hallway, slid through the kitchen, hopped down the stairs to the piano room and entered the garage. Snow pants, check! Boots, check! Jacket, hat and gloves, check! I emerged from the garage to find a trail of footprints. I followed them to my Dad’s ladder, which was leaning against the side of our single-storey house. My two eldest brothers flew past me, climbed the ladder, and ran across the roof to the spot just above my bedroom window. “I’m coming!” I yelled, which seemed to fall onto deaf ears. I started to climb the ladder with great enthusiasm, until I got about halfway, and then I started to feel dizzy. The youngest of my three older brothers, Nick, was waiting at the bottom, “Hurry up Betty! You’re taking forever!” Teeth clenched, I pressed on and found my way to the top. I followed their footprints to the far side of the house and looked over the edge, “Oh, Mom and Dad are going to be so mad when they find out about this.”

Meanwhile, the elderly couple across the street was eating lunch by their dining room window, which faced our front yard; we were perfectly framed. “Oh goodness Ron,” Mildred said to her husband in a relatively calm manner, as she poured water into their two glasses. “Bob and Sally’s kids must be home alone again. This time, they appear to be jumping off the roof. Even the little one is up there in her pink snowsuit.” Ron adjusted his glasses, peered out the window, and noted the four kids standing by the edge. He took a bite of his sandwich, as he considered the level of risk involved, and then replied, “I think there’s enough snow to soften their landing, but we should probably crack the window to listen for any signs of crying, and keep count to make sure none of them go missing.” The two carried on with eating their egg salad sandwiches, while working on their crossword puzzles and glancing out the window every so often.

“Betty, either you jump or climb back down the ladder,” threatened Pete. “Ok, ok!” I yelled. “Should I run and jump? Or just…jump?” I asked earnestly. Before I received a response, Nick came barreling past me. He launched himself into the air and yelled, “Wooooweeeee!” with his arms outstretched. That approach seemed to work well for him, so, I decided to do the same.

I walked back to the starting line, performed a few nervous jumps, then ran full speed to the edge of the roof. I launched myself into the air, closed my eyes as I fell towards the ground, and ended up in Pete’s crater. When I opened my eyes I was amazed, nothing hurt. I stood up and was further amazed to find I hadn’t suffered any injuries. “Yahoo!” I yelled with a dramatic fist pump into the air (that seemed to go unnoticed). “Betty, you have to move! We can’t jump until you get out of the way!” I stood up and raced back to the ladder. I climbed fearlessly to the top and did it again…and again…and again.

After a few rounds Pete said, “Oh crap! Mom and Dad will be home soon. We better cover our tracks and then go inside and act normal.” By “cover our tracks” what he really meant was, return the ladder to the garage. It didn’t occur to any of us that there was a very obvious trail of evidence, or worse, observant neighbours. So, the two eldest brothers struggled to collapse the ladder, and then carried it back into the garage. Nick and I went inside and started opening the cans of tomato soup that my Mom had left on the counter, before Pete came in and finished the job.

Just as Pete was pouring the soup into the bowls, Mom and Dad came through the door with bags of groceries. A couple of minutes later the phone rang. Mom pulled it off the hook while placing the milk in the fridge, and said cheerfully, “Hello?” It was Mildred from across the street. “Oh hi Mildred, so lovely to hear from you!” she said. We all knew this was bad news, so we quickly grabbed our bowls of soup, a handful of crackers, and retreated to our hiding spots. As I walked down the hallway towards my bedroom, my Mom’s tone quickly changed, “Oh they did, did they?” I walked into my room, closed the door, and sat down on the floor with my bowl of soup. Sitting cross-legged, I crumbled the crackers into the bowl, and smirked as I thought to myself, “Pfff… handstands…small potatoes.”